The Way A Heart Aches
by JackandElizabethHeartie75
Summary: Elizabeth's first morning without Jack. Set after Season 4 episode "My Heart Will Go On"
1. Part 1

**Author's note: If you still haven't watched "My Heart Will Go On", this does reference events from that episode, so it could spoil things.**

 **After last week's episode—which even with the emotional rollercoaster and Jack leaving, was probably by far my favorite episode—my mind would not stop running. I've made many attempts at writing little scenes in response to a week's episode, but I never finish before the next week, so they've remained on my hard drive. But this one, I could not get out of my head, and is my first, but hopefully not only, visit to Hope Valley in my writings.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own the characters within. All rights reserved to the creators and writers of When Calls the Heart and Crown Media.**

Abigail made her way to Elizabeth's rowhouse, carrying a basket of blueberry muffins, as she knew they were one of her favorites. She had been both proud and worried for her friend since the recital the previous evening. No one would have blamed Elizabeth at all if she had needed the time to herself after Jack's departure that morning. Everyone in town was feeling the loss in his absence, and knew it must have been infinitely more difficult on her. As usual, though, the needs of her students and the promises she made came first, despite her own pain.

However, when she excused herself shortly thereafter, with barely restrained tears, Abigail's first instinct was to follow and make sure she was all right. She knew that Elizabeth was strong and could withstand just about anything, but watching her friend's heart shattering before her eyes was breaking her own. Yet, she knew Cody needed her right now, having grown very attached to Jack as well, and she decided to check on her at first light.

When Abigail knocked on the door, she received no response, so she tried the doorknob, surprised to find it unlocked. She cracked it open, softly calling Elizabeth's name and halting as she spotted her seated in the armchair, staring at the wall in front of her. She was surprised to find her already changed for the day, hair fixed, but still sitting still as a statue, appearing as if she had no intention to move.

"Elizabeth, did you sleep at all?" Abigail asked as she entered and closed the door behind her, and the ache in her chest grew as Elizabeth turned her head to look at her. Her red, swollen eyes were the only answer she needed, but Elizabeth shook her head and spoke.

"No. I tried but I couldn't," she answered, her voice crackling with her raw throat, turning her eyes back to the wall. "It may seem ridiculous and improper, but the last time I slept was in the church, and I had Jack beside me and I was in his arms. I wouldn't trade that for anything, but now, when I close my eyes, I feel him there. And it's wonderful and I feel so warm, until I open my eyes and he's gone."

Abigail's gaze followed Elizabeth's to find Jack's drawing of the two of them, that had hung in the jail for ages, now situated there.

"I needed it here with me," Elizabeth's soft voice sounded suddenly, and Abigail turned to face her, watching another tear fall in the path of the obvious evidence of many before it. "A piece of him. That's why I was late to the recital last night. I stopped at the jail and brought it back here."

"That is more than understandable, Elizabeth," Abigail said gently as she moved toward her, sitting down on the seat beside her and placing the basket between them. "It is also understandable if you need a few days to yourself after all of this. No one would hold it against you."

Elizabeth immediately shook her head. "Being alone is the last thing I need right now. I thought I would, but all I did last night was sit here and think, and the only thing that accomplished was making me miss him more. I also thought I was stronger than this, Abigail. I fell in love with a Mountie, and I made the decision to follow my heart. To brave everything that spending my life with him would and could entail, and now that it's staring me in the face, I'm falling apart. I knew what could happen, even before Doug, or Superintendent Collins' initial offer. He has to follow his calling as much as I do, but I took it for granted that he would never leave Hope Valley. Or if he had to, I would be going with him, as much as I would never want to leave, either. In so many ways, Hope Valley is my home, but Jack…he's my home in _every_ way. Letting him go was the hardest thing I've ever done."

Abigail reached over to take Elizabeth's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Nothing can ever prepare us for saying goodbye to the men we love, even if only for a little while. But you can't lose faith that God will bring him back."

"Faith. It's such an easy word to say, but an ideal that can be the most difficult to uphold," Elizabeth replied, turning her teary gaze to Abigail again. "Did our prayers and faith bring Doug back? Or any of the other men who lost their lives up there? When Jack left for Cape Fullerton, I was afraid of what _might_ happen that could put him in danger, and my feelings for him were _nothing_ compared to what they are now. I love him so much, I feel like I can't breathe sometimes, and now, it's not just what _might_ happen. It _is_ happening, and _has_ happened. And Jack is going straight into the middle of it all…"

Abigail felt her own tears brimming in her eyes as she moved the basket to the side to wrap her arms around Elizabeth. She couldn't deny that the same thoughts had been plaguing her mind since they all watched Jack ride away, praying that it wouldn't be long before he'd be back again. He meant so much to the entire town, and held such a special place in her own heart. She'd come to love him as if he were her own son, and she thought coming so close to losing him to that bout of pneumonia the year before was terrifying and difficult to bear. To even think of never seeing him again was unbearable. And then there was the young woman sobbing softly in her arms, who had so much life ahead of her that she was looking forward to spending with him. Getting married, raising a family, and building a future together. She had already watched Clara struggle to move on after Peter, but she had meant what she'd said the night before; she had never met anyone as in love as Jack and Elizabeth. After everything they had gone through, and continued to go through, together, their bond was like nothing she'd ever seen before. She didn't even want to _begin_ to imagine the level of heartbreak Elizabeth would endure if anything were to happen to him.

Elizabeth straightened and wiped at her eyes with her fingertips, taking a slow, steadying breath before looking to Abigail again. "I gave myself one night. To lose myself in my despair and heartache. Because if I continue to do this day after day, night after night, until God willing he's back with me, I'll be paralyzed. I can't live like that, and I can't do that to my students, now that I finally have my classroom back. I must try to find my faith and believe that Jack and I were meant to have a future together, and focus on that."

"I have every faith in that, Elizabeth," Abigail replied with an encouraging smile and squeeze of her hand. "And in you. You'll find it."

Elizabeth held Abigail's hand for a moment and then rose from her seat. "I guess I should go prepare for my first day back."

Abigail's eyes glanced to the clock and then back to Elizabeth. "Isn't that still a few hours away?"

Elizabeth nodded as she grabbed her shawl and wrapped it around her shoulders. "Yes, but I have a lot to catch up on, and I have a stop to make first."

Abigail reached into the basket and extracted one of the muffins and a napkin, taking it over to her. When Elizabeth tried to protest and say she wasn't hungry, Abigail wrapped it in the napkin, taking her hands and placing it in them. "You will be, and you need to take care of yourself."

Elizabeth relented with a small nod, before she stepped outside and began making her way toward the livery.

Upon reaching the top of the hill, Elizabeth dismounted her horse and took in the expanse of the view before her… Jack's land. The site of their future home and life together. After a gentle stroke to the horse's mane, she stepped forward and knelt on the grass, closing her eyes and trying to envision it all.

A modest white house, two stories. A barn out back for their chickens and goat—she couldn't help the chuckle that escaped at the memory of Jack stating that so seriously. And a porch out back, where they could sit and watch their children run and play as the sun set, before tucking them in for the night and retiring to their own feather bed, wrapped in each other's arms.

Opening her eyes, she looked up to the sky, whispering into the air as she held her left hand against her heart and ran the thumb of her other hand over her engagement ring, "Please come back to me, Jack."


	2. Part 2

**Originally, this was just supposed to be a one shot, but after the season was over, I started getting a little anxious for Season 5 (which I know I am definitely not alone in), and little moments started popping up in my head. I don't know how many more I will add to this, but I have a couple as of now, and who knows what else my mind might conjure up.**

 **I also wanted to say thank you for all the sweet comments I received for the first part of this, and for my other one shot I posted back in April. They were truly lovely and inspiring, and I appreciated every single one of them.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own the characters within. All rights reserved to the creators and writers of When Calls the Heart and Crown Media.**

* * *

 **Part 2**

 _Come home soon, my darling Jack. Nothing is more precious to me than you. With all my heart, your dearest Elizabeth._

Elizabeth set her pen down, reading over the words of the latest addition to her countless letters to Jack since he'd left. She knew that his being gone, no matter how long it turned out to be, would be difficult, especially knowing the level of danger he was in. Yet, at times, it seemed as if she had overestimated her own strength.

If she kept busy and occupied, she managed all right, and there had been more than enough happening in Hope Valley in the past few months that should have kept her plenty distracted. Between the situation with the Chad and Earl, the arrest of Ray Wyatt and Henry Gowen, the adventure of caring for little Opal while her parents were away, and finally, the intense situation with Carson and then Cody's illness—she should have found very little time to wallow in her despair and worry over Jack.

Elizabeth's eyes traveled over to his photograph set on her desk again, and she took it in her hands to gaze at him in the only way she could for God knew how long. She felt his absence in her life so strongly, and although she wanted the confirmation that he was all right, she was beginning to think that perhaps frequent letters from him would be both a blessing and a curse. While his first and only letter to her thus far had filled her with relief that—at least for the time it took him to put pen to paper—he was alive and safe, some of his words also left her unsettled. Things really were so bad up there that not only did he not wish to relay them to her, but he endeavored to forget them as well.

Would she even want to hear more frequently about how bad things were up there, or exactly how much danger he was in that he had to distract himself from thinking about it? Or know that with every brief letter telling her how much he loved her and dreamed of returning home to make her his wife, while comforting to hear, he was also omitting so much to keep her from worrying more than she already was? The only letter that would be a true comfort to her was one telling her that he was finally coming home, so would each one that didn't say just that weigh more heavily on her heart?

Her mind and heart waged a battle of their own with the answers to those very questions, never seeming to be capable of settling on a definitive one. So, for the time being, she chose to hold onto the message written on that singular sheet of paper, folded within the frame behind the image she was now staring at.

The closing words of that letter were what Elizabeth clung to most dearly, even if they made her heart ache with longing for the promise within them to come to fruition. Every night when she closed her eyes, she envisioned the day that she would become Jack's wife and could feel his arms around her again. On the days that she would head out to his land to feel that connection with him, she began allowing herself to thoroughly imagine their home and the family they would eventually build together…if he ever made it home to her.

Elizabeth felt a tear slip down her cheek, drawing the frame to her chest and holding it securely against her. No matter how hard she tried, her thoughts would occasionally drift in that direction. She couldn't imagine a life without Jack, yet there was always that possibility, as long as he was up in the Northern Territories, in that violent and dangerous atmosphere. However, beyond losing the man she loved and the future she dreamed of with him, another realization had surprised her as more time passed.

She was terrified of losing her dearest companion. While Abigail had always been an amazing and supportive friend, and Elizabeth could not imagine how she would have endured so many incidents in that town over the years without her, it was different with Jack. She never realized exactly how much she had come to rely on him as more than just the man she loved, but also her confidante, until he was gone.

It was Jack she had come to turn to when she was having difficulty with one of her students, even if just for an ear to listen.

It was Jack she wanted to open that letter from the publisher when she was too nervous to do so herself.

She had needed him present, along with Abigail, after her meeting with Gowen, despite the embarrassing revelation of what had happened with Thomas Higgins all those years before.

It was his love and support she reached out for while writing those letters to fight for her job.

He was the first one she sought out to tell about Mr. Trevoy approving of her use of the saloon to tutor the children.

There were so many instances that came to mind, and even more since he'd left, when she instinctively wanted to turn to him, and now she couldn't. All she had were the letters she had been writing to him, unsure of when, or if, they would ever reach their destination.

In some ways, she knew that, despite the pain of missing him, it was a necessary trial set before her. She'd been forced to see just how complacent they had both become, by harsh reality staring them in the face. That perhaps she'd come to rely on him _too_ much, and needed to learn how to stand on her own feet again—especially with her intent to marry a Mountie. She needed to be prepared for any path that life could possibly send both her and Jack on.

With a heavy sigh, Elizabeth pressed a kiss to her fingertips and then glided them over the image of his face, before setting it back in its place on her desk. She whispered a soft "I love you" before rising to head out to Cody's party.

.

.

.

Later that evening, Elizabeth stood outside the café, watching as the sun completely disappeared from the horizon, and she tugged her shawl more securely around her. She could feel the hints of winter beginning to seep in through the late autumn air, and normally, she would be anticipating the first snowfall. Yet, the approaching change in season only caused her worry to grow. She closed her eyes, trying to erase the thoughts from her mind of Jack out there in the bitingly cold weather, and instead focusing on the excitement and joy of the afternoon that had just passed.

Nothing but hope and love was in the air for that space in time, and she could feel the serenity radiating from Abigail at the sound of being called "mom" again for the first time since the morning of the mine disaster. For that brief moment, the ache in Elizabeth's heart was alleviated and she could only feel happiness. Cody and Becky had the stability and love of a home and family, without fear of it being stripped away again, and if anyone was ever born to be a mother, it was Abigail.

Yet, it also stirred feelings deep within Elizabeth as well. By the time she finished helping to clean up from dinner, she was struggling to hold her composure and felt the need to step outside for some air while Abigail got the children into bed. After the first afternoon of watching Opal, she'd jokingly suggested to Abigail that she and Jack would need to revisit the conversation about children. However, if truth be told, once the entire experience was over and Opal returned home to her parents, Elizabeth couldn't deny that her home felt just a little emptier than it did before. Her desire to become a mother one day had grown, and it was an aspect of her future that she had only ever envisioned with Jack.

"Elizabeth, are you all right?" Abigail asked from the now open doorway, and Elizabeth turned her teary gaze toward her.

"I've been trying so hard to not be this weak. I was so determined to be strong and get through this like the independent woman I used to be, not fall apart at the seams. I did all that the night after he left, but no matter hard I try to hold myself together, there are still moments I just can't," she replied, her eyes lowering to the railing.

Abigail stepped toward her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and giving her a gentle squeeze of encouragement. "You are not weak, Elizabeth. You're in love, and with a man in an occupation that can be very dangerous. That's never an easy position to be in, and it's only natural to worry and be afraid at times, but the way I see it, no news is better than bad news."

Elizabeth nodded and her hand rose to her chest, as if it could slow the racing of her heart. "That much is definitely true, and I'm trying to remain patient and have faith. Some days are just more difficult than others." She drew in a deep breath, lifting her gaze to the sky, where the stars were just beginning to make their appearance. "I just keep thinking of that day. Of everything I wanted to say or should have said, and couldn't because I wanted to prolong the time I had with him until I had to let him go. That whole night, I didn't say a word."

"Sometimes, words aren't important. You spent that time together, which was what you both needed," Abigail said reassuringly.

"I know. I just wish I had told him that I loved him one more time." Elizabeth sighed after straining through the end of her statement. "Saying it in a letter that he may never even receive isn't the same."

Abigail lowered her hand to Elizabeth's, raising it up between them. "Remember what I said. This is his promise to come home to you, but more importantly, it is not only a symbol of his love for you, but yours for him, as well. He knows even without the words, just as you do."

Elizabeth nodded and the two friends stood silent for a few moments as she gazed at the object of discussion—her engagement ring. She cradled her left hand in the other, running her thumb over the surface and reliving, as she had countless times since he'd been gone, the moment he placed that ring on her finger. "I think I need to start planning the wedding."

Her statement took Abigail by surprise, and it showed in the sharp turn of her head toward Elizabeth. "I thought you wanted to wait for word from Jack."

"I did, but it's not helping me. I thought by not planning, I wouldn't think about it or miss him quite as much. If anything, it's only making the wait seem more interminable, and our future feel that much further away. Not that I want anything elaborate that would take an extensive amount of time to organize, but maybe if I make a plan for what kind of flowers and cake I would like, or see Rosemary's design for my dress, everything won't seem so distant and out of reach?" Elizabeth's voice rose in question, looking to Abigail again. "Or maybe I'm just desperate for distraction."

Abigail gently hugged Elizabeth to her side with a smile. "I think it's a wonderful idea. It might take your mind off things, and as an added bonus, when Jack does finally come home…" Abigail paused as she watched Elizabeth's eyes closed and her shoulders heave in a deep breath. "Which I have every faith that he will, your future together will be just that much closer, and you can concentrate on making up for lost time rather than becoming overwhelmed in wedding plans."

Elizabeth's eyes opened again and turned to her friend, the corners of her lips rising ever so slightly. "You're a very wise woman. I feel very blessed to know you."

"Just years of experience. I was young and in love once, too, after all," Abigail replied with a soft laugh. "And that's what friends are for, right? Now, it's getting late, you should head home and get some sleep. You'll need it, especially once it reaches Rosemary that you want to start wedding plans."

The two women shared a chuckle and bid one another good night, and Elizabeth began making her way back to her row house, feeling much lighter than she had when she'd left it that morning. She knew she would never stop missing or worrying about Jack until he was safe and secure in her arms again, but she was ready to begin their path toward the future.


	3. Part 3

**Author's Note: So here I go again, since I have had all these scenarios going through my head since the end of Season 4, but before the Christmas movie was announced. So obviously none of this will coincide with what may or may not happen in said movie, since I also hadn't seen the synopsis for it, either. So these were just my thoughts running wild. :)**

 **On a side note, there is a mention in this chapter as to how long Jack has been gone. This is setting his departure sometime in late May, considering that the first episode of the season was set in "spring", which wouldn't really line up with the February premiere date of the show. And also allowed some time for the remainder of the events of the season to take place before his departure.**

* * *

 **Part 3**

As usual, Abigail was proven right. Not only did the process of planning a wedding take Elizabeth's mind off things, allowing it to focus on the happier aspects of life, but Rosemary was just as much of a force of nature with the details of Elizabeth and Jack's wedding as she was with her own. She'd already had to ask her to tone down the amount of lace and beading on the gown she was designing, three separate times, and reminded her often that she was getting married in Hope Valley for a reason.

She didn't want some elaborate, overdone event, with a lot of unnecessary flair. That would have been what she could have expected from a Hamilton wedding, and that wasn't who she was anymore—and it definitely was never Jack. A simple ceremony to marry the man of her dreams, and a small reception to celebrate their love with family and friends, was all she wanted.

And there it was, the elephant in the room that she still hadn't confronted—her family. While Charlotte had already responded to the telegram she'd sent her shortly after the planning had begun, Elizabeth felt hesitant in making the same announcement to her own relatives. Aside from an occasional letter to her parents, she had completely closed herself off from everything regarding Hamilton after the tailspin it had sent her and Jack, and their relationship, on, as well as the unwelcomed proposal from Charles. She was positive that her father and Viola, and possibly even her mother, had been aware of, if not fully behind, that fiasco, knowing perfectly well of her feelings for Jack and how unhappy she would have been with anyone else. After all, her elder sister had actively attempted to stir doubt in Elizabeth with her insinuations about Jack's association with Faith, as well as his lack of urgency in proposing to her, despite their courtship making a bumpy start and being fairly new to begin with. Then there was her father…

Still, it didn't feel right that she was about to get married, and her family had no idea. She also couldn't deny that she dearly missed her younger sister, Julie, and found it odd that it had been so long since she'd received any word from her at all. Julie and Aunt Agatha had been the only exceptions in Hamilton regarding the poor treatment of Jack and strong objections to their courtship, as well as the displeasure in Elizabeth's decision to return to Hope Valley. She honestly could not foresee any other member of her family offering their blessings, yet it still felt wrong for them not to know.

Elizabeth sat down at her desk and opened her ink well, drawing a deep breath before putting pen to paper.

 _Dear Mother and Father…_

.

.

.

Several weeks passed with no response at all from Hamilton, which Elizabeth felt gave her all the answer she needed. Her emotions seemed to be further exacerbated by the looming Christmas season. For the past two, she hadn't felt the impact of the absence of her family quite as harshly. There had been so much going on in Hope Valley, between the New Year's celebration and then having been in charge of the Christmas committee the year before, she hadn't had time to think. And of course, she had spent the holidays with Jack.

She thought his absence would make time drag on, but before she knew it, Christmas Eve was upon her. Her morning had started off hectic when Rosemary burst in with an "early Christmas present" for her—yet another design for her wedding gown. While she appreciated the decreased amount of extravagancies, Rosemary's well-intentioned attempts to distract Elizabeth from the sadness enveloping her as the Christmas holiday drew closer, had not achieved the desired effect.

Elizabeth had excused herself around four, albeit somewhat brusquely, and made her way to the café, urgently asking Abigail for a cup of tea. Just as she was about to sit down at one of the tables, a flash of red caught the corner of her eye from outside the window, and she rushed out the door. Her heart sank a little when she reached the road, only to find Bill, once again dressed as Santa, making his way to the church for the Christmas party planned for the children that evening before service. She turned to walk defeatedly back inside, giving Abigail a weak smile as she brought out the tea.

"Elizabeth, you look like you've just seen a ghost. Is everything all right?" Abigail asked, setting the teacup in front of Elizabeth as she returned to her seat.

"Not a ghost so much as just wishful thinking, I guess," she answered with a sigh, her eyes lowered. "A part of me keeps hoping that maybe his letter telling me that he was coming home just hasn't gotten here yet, and I'm going to turn around a corner, and there he'll be. The last seven months have been the longest of my life, but the thought of Christmas without Jack…"

"I know. I can't imagine that anyone has wanted him here for the holidays more than you have," Abigail replied as she took a seat on the opposite side of the table. "But he's still here, even if not in the way you wish he was. Memories will always keep him close."

Elizabeth nodded and took a sip of her tea, exhaling in a soft sigh. "I was just foolishly praying for a Christmas furlough, at the very least. I suppose that might be unrealistic, considering the circumstances up there. The fight doesn't take a pause for any holiday, even Christmas, but I don't think I've ever missed him as much as I do right now, and that's really saying something."

The two women sat in companionable silence as Elizabeth finished her tea, politely declining the offer of a scone before she left the café. As she walked down Main Street, toward the row houses, she watched the faces passing by her. Hope Valley had not been the same for anyone since he'd left. Jack had become such a staple in the town since his arrival shortly following Elizabeth's, it still seemed strange to not see that red serge making its appearance on their streets every day. Despite having a community of people around her who missed him and cared about her, Elizabeth couldn't help but feel so alone at times.

Especially ones such as later that evening, standing in front of the tree that Frank had brought over the week before, but she had hesitated in decorating.

She knew her procrastination stemmed from the task she was now tackling—unpacking the box of ornaments at her feet and putting them on the tree. She hadn't wanted to do so without Jack, but seeing as it was Christmas Eve, and neither of the last two letters he'd managed to get out to her had mentioned anything about coming home, she figured she should do so and brighten up the house with just a little holiday cheer.

Memories from the year before rushed through her as she held what happened to be both her and Jack's favorite ornament—the little drummer boy with the stuffing still poking out from the hat and arm, that he had never gotten around to fixing. She set it aside on the table and continued with the rest of the box, but everything felt so quiet, even with the Victrola playing softly in the background. Not only did she miss the conversation with Jack as much as his presence, but she found she even missed the soft grunts of Rip from where he'd laid on the rug in front of the stove the previous year.

It had broken her heart when she had to include in a letter a few months back that Jack's treasured companion had passed in his sleep, and just a little more when she'd finally received his brief, sorrow-filled reply a week before. She had debated with herself for days whether to inform him right away in the form of a letter, or to wait for his return to tell him in person. In the end, she couldn't bear to keep it from him, certain that she would want to know immediately if the roles were reversed.

With a heavy sigh, Elizabeth turned from her task, lifting the needle of the Victrola to stop the music. What she needed in that moment was to not think about how much she missed Jack, despite how difficult that prospect was. She glanced at the clock and noted that it was almost time to leave in order to make it to the evening service at the church. For a moment, she contemplated not going, but if there was anywhere she wouldn't feel so far away from him that night, it would be in that building.

As Elizabeth began buttoning her coat, scattered specs of white outside the window caught her attention. She reached for the doorknob and pulled it open, watching the light flurry of snow drift its way to the ground. It was an enchanting sight, and Elizabeth felt the corners of her mouth lift. Stepping outside and closing the door behind her, she made her way to the middle of the road, tilting her head back and feeling the snowflakes fall softly on her skin.

"Now all that's missing from _this_ Christmas Eve is you, Jack."

.

.

.

Elizabeth heard the hum of voices around her as she sat in the back of the church, whispering along with the words of prayer and hymn with her hands folded in her lap. She could feel the eyes of everyone that passed her on their way out once the service had ended, but didn't open her own until she felt a soft tapping of fingertips on the back of her hand.

Her gaze landed on Opal, standing in front of her with her father and holding out a folded sheet of paper. "Don't be sad, Miss Thatcher. Merry Christmas."

"Thank you, Opal. Merry Christmas to you, too," Elizabeth replied, smiling at the little girl as she took the hand drawn card from her before she departed with her parents.

With the click of the closing door in the back as Frank disappeared through it, the church fell suddenly quiet, and Elizabeth returned to her silent prayer.

 _My only wish this Christmas is for Jack to be safe, and please bring him home to me soon._

In that moment, it almost seemed as if she had slipped into a dream, as the image of Jack appeared behind her closed eyes. She could see his smile, feel his arms around her, just moments before his lips touched hers in a kiss that was gentle, yet filled with every ounce of the same longing she felt.

"Merry Christmas, Jack," she whispered to the empty room, opening her eyes, and he disappeared as he always did. "I miss you more than you know."

Elizabeth's gaze fell to her lap again, and she released a small laugh as she looked at the image drawn on the front of the card she held in her hands. There was a Christmas tree in the background, with a stick figure of a little girl holding the hand of her bear, and "Merry Christmas, Miss Thatcher" scrawled at the bottom. She ran her fingers lightly over the words written in red, jagged letters and then opened the card, sending another slip of paper fluttering to the floor.

Elizabeth distractedly reached down to grab it as she read Opal's crooked letters, forming her sweet message inside. "This will be the best Christmas EVER! Love, Opal and Brownie."

"Good old Brownie," she said with a chuckle before her eyes shifted to the object in her other hand, and everything froze as she opened it.

 _1 Corinthians 13:4_

 _Love is patient_

"Jack," she whispered, tears slipping down her cheeks as she gazed at the very note she had sent up north with Constable Gleeson. "How on earth…"

Her heart began to pound and she rose quickly to rush outside to try catching up with Opal and her family, but as the church door swung open, her breath was stolen once again.

"Merry Christmas, Elizabeth."

Elizabeth's fingers trembled as they rose to cover her mouth, and she released a soft sob at the sight of Jack standing at the base of the steps, waiting for her. Without a word, she rushed down the stairs and took his face between her hands, drawing his lips to hers.

 _To be continued…_


	4. Part 4

**A/N: I apologize for being a very slow updater, but there has been so much going on with me, it's been a bit difficult to sit down and finish this chapter. And I am apologizing ahead of time if it takes me some more time to finish the next part. I will try to get it done as soon as I can. Thank you!**

* * *

 **Part 4**

Elizabeth's kisses traveled from Jack's lips, to the corner of his mouth, to his cheek, and back again; all the while, her body trembling as her arms circled tightly around him. Her soft, shuddering breath parted her lips from his, and their foreheads touched as a soft sob escaped her. "Tell me I'm not dreaming, and when I open my eyes, you'll still be here."

"Elizabeth," Jack whispered, cradling her cheek in his palm and swiping his thumb across the fresh trail of tears that fell at the sound of her name on his lips.

Elizabeth slowly opened her eyes, as if she really was afraid that he would vanish into thin air right in front of her. A smile gradually stretched across her lips and she brought her hand to his face, tracing her fingers along his jawline that had several days' worth of growth roughening it. He looked different, yet still the same in many ways. She could see the months of strain and exhaustion in the lines around his eyes and his skin felt just a little more weathered. He appeared older, but the warmth of his smile and the love in his gaze as he looked upon her were exactly as she remembered. "You're really here."

Jack's mouth quirked at the soft squeak in her voice as she spoke, but his eyes soaked her in. He'd been aching for that moment from the instant he had to leave her behind, standing in the middle of that road and watching him ride away. He hadn't dared look back again when he'd resumed his departure, knowing that if he did, her tears and shattering heart would likely beckon him to return to her once more. And had he done so, it would have been even harder to part from her again. Gazing upon her in that moment was evidence enough of that. The tears that shone in her eyes right then were ones of happiness and relief, and despite the chilly temperature surrounding them, he couldn't bear the thought of letting her go again so soon. "I wasn't about to miss Christmas with you if I could possibly help it."

Elizabeth's lips trembled again as they met his in a gentle kiss, and then she pulled him into a warm embrace, her fingers weaving into his hair. "You have no idea how much I've missed you."

"I think I have some idea," Jack replied with a quiet chuckle, leaning his cheek against her hair. Her hold on him tightened and he felt a shiver run through her body, and with a sigh, he ran his hands briskly over her back. "Where's your coat?"

The same thought seemed to pass through Elizabeth's mind as well as she pulled back, her cheeks flushing a little more than they already were just from the cold. "I may have forgotten it inside the church in my hurry."

"Well, why don't we go grab it and I'll walk you home," Jack said and rested his hand at her elbow to lead her inside, but she refused to budge, her eyes widening as she took hold of his arm. Her tears began to well again and he shook his head, his palm cupping her face as he leaned down to kiss her. "You're cold and it's late. You will see me in the morning, I promise. Okay?"

Elizabeth's shoulders fell slightly in defeat as she nodded, forcing a smile as she took his offered arm and moved up the steps with him. Her hold tightened more as they stepped inside, and rather than reaching for her coat where it hung on the peg, she turned to face him instead. "Jack, just a few more minutes. Please."

"All right," Jack whispered, kissing her forehead and wrapping his arm around her shoulders, leading her to the nearest pew. He smiled when he spotted the card from Opal and the message he'd kept tucked close to his heart since it was delivered to him months before.

Elizabeth turned toward him with a suspicious look on her face, while he fought to keep from smiling. "How long have you been back, and just how many knew you were?"

"Oh, not too many. Just Abigail, Cody, Opal and her parents. Oh, and Bill. And Lee and Rosemary." Jack watched Elizabeth's jaw drop further as more names were added, and he took her hands in his. "I only just got in this afternoon. I was hoping to make it sooner, but some storms up north sent me on a longer route."

"And waiting this long to make your presence known?" Elizabeth asked with an arched eyebrow. "You know I've been aching to see you."

Jack's features straightened, his smile fading as he gazed at her. "As have I. I've missed you more than I could ever explain to you in this lifetime. I had planned to surprise you for Christmas, but I also wanted our reunion to be as private as possible, not with the whole town watching."

Elizabeth brought her hands to the front of his serge, running her fingers over the fabric. "I guess my response at seeing you was best left to a private moment."

"I would say so," Jack responded in a serious tone, but once again losing the battle with a smile as she hid her face against his chest to hide the blush that crossed her cheeks.

Once Elizabeth composed herself again, she quickly brought her eyes back up to meet his, not wanting to waste a single moment of the night with him. Her hand reached down to take his and they lowered to sit on the pew together, Elizabeth leaning into his side as his arm returned around her. "I'd love to know how you managed to keep a secret like this when both Rosemary _and_ Opal were involved."

"I'm still recovering from the shock myself," Jack replied with a quiet chuckle, pressing a soft kiss to her hair, and she nestled herself closer to him in response.

In that moment, Elizabeth was drawn back into the thoughts that had plagued her since the day he left. Of that night so many months before, in that very building, just a handful of benches in front of them. Just as she'd been then, she was overwhelmed by his presence, wanting to relish in the feeling of him beside her. Once again, the words to express everything she was feeling froze in her throat as her heart beat rapidly in her chest. Her gaze fell to her hand, held in his free one, at the feel of his thumb running slowly back and forth on her ring. That simple gesture ignited a flood of emotion to rush through her.

It wasn't a dream—Jack was actually beside her, holding and touching her. She could hear every breath he took and say everything she'd been regretting not telling him that night, but only one thing managed to escape her—albeit the most important.

"I love you," she whispered, giving his hand a gentle squeeze before releasing it to slide her arm around his waist in an attempt to press closer to him. She felt her hair rustle against her skin with the soft exhale of his echoed reply, and her heart picked up a beat as her eyes rose to meet his again. "I don't know if I really want the answer to this question, but are you home for good?"

Elizabeth could see the reply in Jack's eyes before any words were spoken, and her fingers curled into the fabric of his serge with the constriction in her chest. "I wish with all my heart that I could tell you I was, Elizabeth."

Her lips trembled despite her effort to rein in the emotion welling up inside her, and tears began to flood her eyes again. "How long do we have?"

Jack's fingers ran along her arm in a soothing motion, while he gently cradled her cheek with the other hand. "I have to report to headquarters two days after New Year's."

Elizabeth hugged around him tighter, her forehead nuzzling into the side of his neck. "So barely a week before you leave again?"

"Yes," he replied in a hoarse whisper, his arm securing more firmly around her. "I wish I could stay longer, but we're only just beginning to get a handle on things up there, and still have a long road ahead of us. The men really need me right now."

"I know, and I understand that. Really, I do," Elizabeth answered, trailing her fingertips over the buttons along the front of his jacket. "Just please remember that they aren't the only ones who need you present and safe."

Jack nodded in silent response, his arms fully encompassing her in a firm embrace, and her head settled on his shoulder. Every part of her wanted to hold onto him and not let go, to live in that moment forever, yet knew that was impossible. She could feel his exhaustion in the tension of his muscles beneath her palm, and God knew how many days he'd spent on horseback, just trying to get back to her as soon as he could. She felt selfish in even asking for those few extra minutes with him, but once again, the desires of her heart were warring with the sense of her mind.

However, both her logic and love for him finally won out.

"You need your rest, and not on this hard bench. We should go," Elizabeth whispered, lifting her hand to rest on his face while kissing the other cheek.

"I'll be much better company tomorrow, I promise," Jack replied as they rose, holding Elizabeth's coat for her as she slid into it.

She turned to face him again, a smile reappearing along with the glistening of tears in her eyes. "The company could not have been more perfect tonight, and I couldn't have asked for a better Christmas gift than having you here with me."

After one brief, soft brush of her lips on his, she leaned into his side and they walked arm in arm out of the church, slowly making their way to her row house. They paused at the steps leading up to her door, and although Elizabeth had no other option, she was reluctant to let him go. His palm rose to cradle her cheek and he gave her a tired smile. "See you in the morning."

"You will," Elizabeth replied, her own smile growing as she took a step closer to him to capture one last kiss for the night. "I love you. I know I don't say that nearly enough, but I hope you never doubt it. And I'm so glad you're home, regardless of how long."

Jack rested his forehead against hers and his eyes closed, seeming equally hesitant to part from her as well. "So am I. And I love you, too, Elizabeth. More than you'll ever know."

With one more press of his lips to hers, they bid each other good night. Jack waited until she was safely inside before she heard the discernable sound of his boots crunching through the freshly fallen snow, and she felt her heart begin to ache again.

She could only hope that when she opened her eyes in the morning, no matter how real it felt in that moment, that the evening truly hadn't been just a wonderful dream, telling her everything she wanted to hear. Although, she was fairly certain that a dream would include Jack being home to stay rather than just on leave, she prayed as she finally settled into bed that Christmas morning would bring her exactly what she desired.

.

.

.

Despite her best efforts, sleep eluded Elizabeth all night, her mind unwilling to cease whirling. She was anxious for morning to come, to spend every moment she possibly could with Jack, as she intended to do each day he was home, but the nights were going to be difficult—as that one was turning out to be.

Elizabeth wanted nothing more than to never have to say goodbye to him again, as unrealistic as she knew that was. Doing so every single night was going to be even harder than it was _before_ he'd taken the assignment up north, but now, every single moment was just that much more precious. She didn't want to waste even a second that they had together.

After tossing and turning for what felt like an eternity, Elizabeth just couldn't lie there anymore, staring at the ceiling and walls, and got up to redress. Once downstairs, she lit the stove and set the kettle to boil for tea, and headed over to her desk to pour her thoughts into her journal.

 _Well, last night was easily one of the best, as well as one of the hardest, nights of my life. Seeing Jack at the bottom of those steps waiting for me, where only my mind's eye had conjured him for months, filled me with such an indescribable rush of joy. To feel his arms around me and kiss him again, I can feel myself still trembling from the exhilaration it sent through me. I thought I knew how much I had missed him all this time, but it hit me with such an unexpected force tonight, I never wanted to release him. I know that the day will come, when he's home for good and we can finally have our wedding, that there will be no more parting at the end of the day. We'll have our house, and his face will be the first thing I see every morning, and the last thing I see every night. Yet, I feel as if I miss him more now than I did before, being so close yet still out of reach, and morning still feels so far away._

Elizabeth dropped the pen to the desk, burying her face in her hands with a heavy sigh, quietly admonishing herself. "He's been gone for months, and I can't manage a few hours?"

She allowed her arms to fall to the desktop, her eyes lowering to her engagement ring. Maybe it would have been different if Jack was home for good, without the deadline placed on their time together, or if it was not reduced even further by the nights spent apart. Time seemed to be the one thing constantly working against them, in one way or another, but now, they didn't have the hours, minutes, or even seconds to waste.

The kettle began to whistle and Elizabeth looked up at the clock, noting that it was still only four in the morning, but she couldn't wait any longer. She rose sharply, removing the kettle from the stovetop and hurried toward the door, grabbing her coat on the way out. Her mind and her steps were in such high motion, she barely noticed anything until she reached the door of the jail, gently knocking on it.

Almost immediately, she could hear the shifting of footsteps from within and the door finally opened, revealing Jack on the other side, and as if it were second nature, his forehead creased in concern. "Elizabeth? Is something wrong?"

"Not exactly, but you did tell me once that I could knock on your door day or night if I ever needed anything." Elizabeth smiled half-heartedly as a chill worked its way through her body now that she had stopped moving. "Does that invitation still stand?"

Jack tilted his head and gave her a look clearly stating that the answer was obvious, and reached down for her hand. "Of course. Come in here before you freeze."

Elizabeth followed his lead as he guided her inside, waiting until he had closed the door behind them, and then moved to wrap her arms around his waist and press her cheek to his chest. The soft fabric of his shirt was a stark contrast to the feel of his serge earlier, and she found it oddly more comforting. Like this, he was just Jack— _her_ Jack, not the Mountie she had to share with countless others. "I'm sorry if I woke you."

"I wasn't asleep. I don't tend to sleep for long whenever I'm able to manage some lately. Besides, I was anxious to see you," Jack whispered, his arms embracing her securely as he pressed a kiss to her hair. "Did you need something?"

"For the moment, just this," she replied, curling her body into him and pressing herself as close as she could. "I just really need your arms around me right now, Jack."

"You haven't slept at all, have you?" Jack asked knowingly and she lifted her head enough to look at him, though her eyes fell as she answered him in a hushed tone.

"I know it's complete nonsense, but I couldn't." Elizabeth shook her head, her fingers gently curling into the fabric of his shirt at his sides. "Whenever I would try, that little voice in the back of my head kept nagging at me. Saying that if this was just a dream and I allowed myself to fall asleep, I'll wake up and you'll still be gone, but if I didn't, I could just stay here and you'd be there in the morning. I'm not so silly that I truly believed it, but my mind wouldn't stop whirling. I want you here so badly, and it feels like I've been waiting so long, it's hard to believe that it's true. And knowing that I have to let you go again in a week, give or take, is not making it much easier."

Jack's forehead pressed against hers and she could feel his nod. "I know, but I'm right here. And I'm not going anywhere until I absolutely have to."

"Jack…" Elizabeth finally opened her eyes to look at him for a moment, and then pulled him closer for a kiss. "I want to get married. Now."


End file.
